Victory in the darkest hour

In The Lion, the Witch, and The Wardrobe there is a very dark night when Aslan gives himself to the Witch to be killed in the place Edmond, the one that had betrayed him. The witch threw her dagger down into Aslan and thought she had won. Finally her day of victory had come.

Last night was like that at the shoe shiner Bible study. We had prayed and fasted for Freddy, the brokenhearted drunk we’ve been trying to minister to. We prayed hard for him and I truly believed big things were beginning to happen in Freddy’s heart. The next day Freddy showed up drunker than I think I’ve ever seen anybody and he disrupted the Bible study the whole way through. The suffering crawled all over his face as he grinded his teeth and tried to spill out his hurting heart all over the table in garbled speech in the middle of Randy's talk. I think the forces that have a grip on his life were rejoicing in their day of victory... for the prayer they had overcome and beaten... for the other shoe shiners they were distracting... for bringing Freddy into these depths of hopelessness.

But in my heart I was rejoicing. I think the enemy has slipped up. He went to far. In his zest to ruin Freddy’s life and discourage all of us by it, he messed up. During the whole Bible study I was at Freddy’s side. Whispering truth and love into his ears. My hand was constantly on his back and I whispered and prayed Jesus’ name and God’s protection over him over and over.

The thing about Christians is that when no hope seems to be left in this world, when Freddy shows up drunker than he has ever been the night after we prayed and fasted for him as if God doesn't exist, we still have hope. We believe God works through us to use the depths of brokenness to bring new victory. When it seems all is lost, when Aslan has been slain on the stone table, we believe a deeper magic is at work.

The enemy messed up because Freddy got to see that we will not desert him. The others in the Bible study now see that we will not desert them when they are at their worst. We will stick by their side with our hands on their backs while we whisper love and protection into their ears. The enemy slipped up. Now we have seen him. He slipped up because now we know what we have to overcome. He threw everything he could at us. And we still weren’t broken. We turned it around for good. We will pray more, and fast more, for Freddy’s spirit and we now know the strength of the enemy, and we know our God is stronger.

Lord, Jesus, I thank you for this day. I thank you for being the stronger magic. I thank you for hope that we will win even after the enemy thought he has won. I thank you for Freddy.

I had this image come into my head this morning. Singing with a multitude of people in front of the throne. I looked over and saw Freddy, smiling at my side. Maybe we will be there together some day.

Last night Freddy left early and I followed him. I made sure that he got into a taxi to take him home. He said, don't stay, I'll make it home. I said, I'm not going to leave you. I want to get you home where it is safe. I don't want to get another call from you saying you're drunk on the streets and need help again.

We did get a call from him this morning. About 9:15 he called. It was the first time in a few days that I had talked to him when he wasn't drunk. He had called to apologize to us.

God, this is how you work through the hearts of men. While our enemy hits us with a barrage from the outside, you change our hearts from within. You meet us in our most private, and often most broken place and you say, guess what? I'll still die for you. You wanna hang out with me for a while?

Tears falling like bricks on the cobble stones

Freddy is a shoe shiner and a friend of ours. A little while ago he found out that his wife cheated on him with his brother and these days he usually resorts to drinking when he wants to forget it all.

It was good that he spent most of Easter with us yesterday but Randy got a call from him at 4am this morning. Randy woke me up and we went down into the dark, cold city to find him. When we found him he was drunk. We sat with him and he talked to us. He told us his stories.

The night was cold and shadows of men began to surround us so we escaped and invited him back to the refuge of our house. There he talked to us some more until the sun rose.

When you talk to Freddy he says he has bad luck. When you ask how he is, he'll tell you he has a broken heart. When you sit with him longer and the real stories come out he'll tell you how he could not believe that his wife was sleeping with his brother for five years, and how he had trusted her so much and how his mother hid it from him and how much he loves his kids. He told us last night, as he wiped his eyes, ‘my tears are bricks: they don’t feel a thing.’ They visit him so often, but they are hard and still leave him lonely

Last night, however, we also got to hear a little bit about the happier times. He told us when he lived with his mother in the jungle, when he shot a puma and when he found gold in the river. He said he was happy in those days. Then his stepdad started beating them and his mother sent him away to find refuge somewhere in La Paz.

He said his other friends take him out to get drunk and to find girls to forget his troubles. But he said he has found some new friends that are faithful and will listen to him when he needs someone to talk to and apparently that will pick him up at 4 in the morning when he is drunk.

He doesn’t sleep very much, he says. It makes him think about things that are too painful. He doesn’t go home unless he has to. In the place he calls his home he is alone and he begins to remember the painful memories and wants to “forget himself” again.

He says he often just wanders the streets with a broken heart thinking about how his beloved had left him for another and how most of all he just wants the best for his kids. The bricks falling from his eyes, he cannot get away from this pain.

God, is this a glimpse of you?

He wanders lonely through the night, heartbroken that we have left Him for lovers severely less passionate. He cries out for his children "Come back! I will protect you in my strong arms," dropping tears like bricks in the cobble stone streets all night long. He cannot sleep. Home is not worth going to if his family is not there. He is looking for a way to have us back, unable to forget his pain.

Freddy left early this morning but called again at 9:30am. He wanted us to meet up with him again this afternoon. We went to him, Randy, Ali, David, and I. He was drunker than before and he said he was now going to see some friends. We asked what type of friends they were and what they were going to do. He said, “I don’t want to tell you.” He's now in the room next to the one I'm in, our little refuge in La Paz. Perhaps he is building a castle with his tears as his heart overflows to Ali or David, while I write.

This world is broken and it feels like it is breaking me.

This is not my home. At home we will be in the arms of our beloved husband who even yet searches the streets for us, trying to find us and win us back. Even while we waste ourselves in the beds of his enemies, he is preparing a bedchamber for us and will carry us there and lay us down and fulfill us and He will make all things new. He will win our hearts over once again.